STUCK

Hello teaching friends! 

 

I had plans for this post.  I had it all outlined and ready to write.  But it has been a stressful week for all sorts of reasons and since I intended this blog to be a little more conversational and relaxed, I'm just going to go with the flow.  Instead of what I planned on writing about, I'm just going to let my thoughts drain in hopes I can sleep a little better tonight.  

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We're officially into August and I'm still unemployed.  I've been waiting around for another call for well over a month now and I just can't do it anymore.  I've started to think that maybe this is a sign that my journey needs to start somewhere outside of New York state.  

Last fall I told myself that during 2013 I would find a full-time job.  I even made it one of my New Year's Resolutions.  I was sold on the fact that I might have to move at that time. I had nothing to lose.  I wasn't dating anyone, I'm not super attached to my parents, I wasn't crazy involved with dance, I really don't have a big group of friends; it seemed like it was a prime opportunity.  Then things happened in my family, which I don't plan on discussing here, which made me decide to try and stay close to home to teach.

I started sending in my applications in late May/early June.  I had one interview mid-June, but I lost the spot to someone with more experience (what's new?).  I haven't heard anything from any of the 12+ local districts.  It's three weeks until teachers in NYS "technically" start up with work and my anxiety is growing by the day.

I feel stuck.

If I were to go out of state, I would have to move fast since many schools start in August.  But if I stay waiting to hear from schools in NY and I don't hear anything, my chance to go out of state is lost.  I'm taking a gamble by waiting to hear from these local schools.

I have been absolutely sick with anxiety this weekend because I'm back to a point where I could leave.  I'm not tied down to anything or anyone.  Except my family.  That *thing* that happened is a huge factor now.  It is literally the only thing keeping me here, in all honesty.  I want to lie and say there's so much more keeping me here; things I would miss, people I would miss, blah blah blah..... but there isn't.  

I don't know what to do.  I can't decide.  

I don't know what the right decision is.

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That was such a mess & I don't want to seem like a whiney girl, but I just needed to get this out before I go crazy.  If you read this and could make sense of all the ramblings.... thank you.  I hope I'm not alone in this.  If  you want to leave a comment we can chat about things.  

I love internet friends.  :)

Thank you xx